Social psychology researchers at the University of Toronto have found the secret to a happy sex life for long-term relationships.
According to researchers, the belief that it takes a lot of effort to make a long-term sex life work, instead of waiting for a sexual spark or expectation between the two possible soulmates, is the secret to a happy sex life.
The choice of working on sexual growth or solely relying on sexual destiny, can determine whether or not your relationship becomes healthy or potentially rocky, said Jessica Maxwell, a Ph.D. candidate in the Department of Psychology in the Faculty of Arts & Science at the University of Toronto.
“People who believe in sexual destiny are using their sex life as a barometer for how well their relationship is doing, and they believe problems in the bedroom equal problems in the relationship as a whole,” said Maxwell.
Maxwell also stated that those who believe in sexual growth are more likely to work on their sexual adversities and not let it affect their relationship satisfaction.
The data, which included 1,900 participants, were published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Researchers gathered data from both heterosexual and same-sex relationships. Although “implicit beliefs” have been studied before in human relationships, it is first in being applied within the sexual domain, researchers say.
Ranging from two to three years, there is a honeymoon phase of a relationship where sexual pleasure is at its peak for sexual growth and destiny believers. However, believing in sexual growth becomes apparent after this initial period, as sexual desire starts to ebb and flow.
“We know that disagreements in the sexual domain are somewhat inevitable over time,” says Maxwell.”
While her research did not focus on the influence of media on sex beliefs, it is clear pop culture has conditioned us to accept and understand that other aspects of relationships, such as the division of household chores, takes work and effort,” according to PsyPost.
So now you know: a happy sexual relationship not only takes time but communication and high expectations.
It’s important not to let “destiny” decide your next intimate relationship and really put-in work to make it last.
“Sexual-destiny beliefs have a lot of similarities with other dysfunctional beliefs about sex, and I think it’s important to recognize and address that,” Maxwell concluded.